Wednesday, March 21, 2012

A slice of Sunday – “Be still and know that I am God”


Swaying comfortingly on a hammock, hiding under the cloak of night sky, the hum of Sunday traffic anchors my thoughts from wondering further than I have the will to pull myself back from. Zoning in on my here & now; the memory of my today. The days lesson.

Once Upon just moping about the studio earlier, I struck up a conversation. A conversation that began with text book niceties; then strolled into a full fledged interaction until somewhere in the midst of it all, I misheard him.

“What was that about your baby being here?” I asked
“I said no such. . . besides we ended it” , he shares with me.

I express my empathetic sentiments of sympathy, then tactlessly allow the cynic in me to retort; “If there’s one thing I don’t miss, It’s having someone to miss.”
Perhaps I was hoping for an “Amen”, but instead I was crucified with the argument of being a coward (in far more polite words). His train of thoughts lead to our covering the notion of the things one misses out on, solely because of the fear of taking a risk. Emails you post pone sending, for no rational reason other than avoiding the rejection that could come from not receiving a reply. Chances we don’t take in fear of failure. Adding up the opportunities missed out on; applying the same principles to Love . . . suddenly it all amounted to loss. 

“It’s awesome when it pays off. When it’s right & it works, that’s worth it” he preaches with much enthusiasm.
I know he’s right.

Just moments before our dialogue, I was behind the desk running the show solo. Me in studio alone, driving a show being broad cast to streams of listeners!? It takes knowing me intricately in order to overstand just how big a deal this is.
Fearful me would not have ever agreed to such; and even if she had, she would have flown below the radar & simply let track play after track without ever uttering a word. Sunday me on the other hand, spoke.
Spoke to the  no one that is “everyone”, when effectively just talking to myself. I did it! Diving into this very easily avoidable deep-end, paid off! It didn’t hurt.

I know he’s right.

There I sat, being still & listening. I knew who it was.

Lesson noted & Tone set for the week ahead. . . Off I go on my journey home.

In my still state of mind I over hear two friends moseying ahead of me.

“I wonder where that plane’s flying to?” one asks the other.
“London”, she answers so convinced that it’s truth. “Do you think we’ll get to go altogether?” she proceeds to ask, as my brisk strides propel me past them.
“Hopefully.” Answers the friend with her gaze fixed on the plane soaring through a cloudless jo-hustleburg sky.

“Dreams Can come true”, I think encouragingly to myself. I stopped dreaming some time ago, when I gave up trying . But right then and there, I dared to dream for them. With them. . .  that flicker of a dream tasted like my 1st breathe.
Tastes out of this world!!

Just then my smile jolts me from wonderland and my eye glances out the window of the moving taxi. My heart grins knowingly.

“Stop being so hard on yourself, Self” , chirps my heart to my ego. “Just yesterday you challenged yourself to walking from Craighall Park to here within an hour, and you made it in less. You chanced & you passed. We aren’t past our sell-by-date just yet.” I re-assure myself as Zoo Lake drifts out of site.

Fittingly, a poem by Tupac waltzes it’s way into this very conversation between me myself and this page. It ends , as I shall end this entry. . .

“But Tomorrow I see change
A chance to build anew.
Build on spirit intent of heart
And ideals based on truth.
And tomorrow I wake with second mind
And strong because of pride.
To know I fought with all my heart, to keep my dream alive”

18 March 2012

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Thinking Things Through



It wont be the end of the world & neither is this predicament a catch 22; yet there are still no satisfactory solutions to this quagmire.  As always you can trust that, that which I’m blabbing on about, reliably leans towards being a complete non-issue; so let’s get to filling you in.

Once upon a gathering last month, photo’s were taken. People posed; smiles showed their faces; fingers pressed click & flashes flashed. Harmless for the most part, even despite the very blatant traces of drunken merriment written all over the faces of many. The conflict lies with what one wishes to do with these pictures. For storytelling purposes, we shall Christen this “one” with an asexual name; we shall call “sh-im” Karabo. 

One of Karabo’s greatest thrills in life is that of being able to share their every captured moment on the virtual streets of spaces like Facebook. As far as Karabo’s concerned, the fun is tripled by the ability to tag people in the photo’s which they permitted themselves to be taken in. I (as the narrator that is), have almost -1 sympathy for those in the pictures; should the pictures go on to be uploaded and tagged. Karabo is seemingly way more considerate than that, and thus somewhat torn about whether or not to include the pictures with a certain someone in them. You might ask why any one someone should be exempt from this very standard grade task. The answer has everything to do with whether or not the consequences of not considering what the consequences of so doing would be; could come back to bite Someone.

Let’s play them out.

A)  All the pics are uploaded & every single someone is aptly tagged. In the lifeline of Someone’s FB photo’s, these particular ones would make zero sense & in turn raise a few eyebrows. Beyond just that; you’d then get those who know too much, & would in turn post incriminating commentary about Someone’s presence at this affair. At the end of the day; Someone could wind up in hot water having to answer too many questions about that 1 evening in their life. . . & maybe even another someone.   

B)  All the pics are uploaded, but everyone EXCLUDING Someone is tagged. In a world where God is real, then no nosey individual would help themselves to tagging the omitted Someone, nor make any fishy comments. This is still not that shatterproof a way for things to play out because the world is unfortunately smaller than it needs to be. Karabo & Someone have mutual friends, with whom they are individually friends; exclusive of each other. i.e. Karabo is friends with Alex because they went to school together; yet Alex and Someone are acquaintances because their sisters are best friends. So whether Someone is tagged in these pics or not, the threat still exists that anyone else could spot Someone in the pics & casually mention it in an unfitting situation that could yet again land Someone in hot water.

C)   No pics of Someone are uploaded. This in essence takes away the joy of it all for Karabo, who would like nothing more than share the complete experience; Someone included. Other people present at the soirĂ©e in question, may even go ahead & post comments enquiring about the whereabouts of Someone in the pictures. Someone themselves could also have their ego bruised at such an exclusion; they would however be completely free from any consequential baggage that could have come from being included. This still wouldn’t be a happy ending though.

D)  An even unhappier ending. . .  No pictures uploaded whatsoever :(


So what’s conflicted Karabo to do?
A; B; C or D?

Either which way, I’ve learnt my lesson. There’s just no fun in thinking things through.