It just so happens that I have makwapheni experience; and circumstances rendered it fitting for me to share the tips that make being a side dish somewhat bearable.
First and foremost; you are not entitled! Not entitled to their time; to their company; to their phonecalls; to anything in fact. So once upon that itch you have to call them after working hours. . .Don't!
Secondly comes accepting that you are second best. Even in the unlikely event that they leave whomever for you; you are still second best. An after thought. An indulgence. In fact you are merely a hobby. An activity that he or she has a fond interest in. You are that with which they busy themselves. You are by NO means a lifestyle.
Please do not invest your anything in this person. Granted it's the third point, but it's no less important than the first. You cannot afford to put yourself in a situation where you stand to loose; when you've already let your dignity fall by the way side.
Point three leads to point four; that being that you should never let this person mean more than madness to you. Not to say that you can't have feelings for this person; because that's probably the reason you are in this mess to begin with; just that he or she shouldn't mean more to you than that particular moment. Kind of like work. You should never take your work home with you; so you should never feel for an unavailable person, outside of your time with them.
Last; but the complete opposite of least. . . DON'T! Just DON'T do that to yourself. Even if you don't mean anything to you, don't let yourself mean half something to someone else. Granted the salaciousness of it all might be a thrill, but the consequences promise to be heartache.
NOTE TO SELF: Take my own advice
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Jael versus Nameless
I guess I'm open minded about the whole thing; I just haven't jumped on board the naming my genitals train. I did buy a ticket once, but that backfired big time!
Once Upon what seems like so long ago, the then "Love of my life" was given the honour of naming my "down there". He named her Jael. Beautiful name if you ask me. A name of Hebrew origin, meaning Prominent. It has that exotic alluring appeal about it.
Jael & what's his name (sOo not about to name & shame) had it going on quite satisfactorily for some time, till yours truly inquisitively decided to enquire about the name her privates had been Christened with. In the then and there of that crazy in love moment, I wound up regretting the findings of my inquest. In hindsight however; I'm most relieved that my curiosity got the better of me.
It turns out that Mr Man named MY vagina after a girl he once had a crush on. A girl he'd have liked to more than just crush on. A girl who was in his line of vision, before he & I passionlessly decided to try "Us" out. My erratic self & I had a very fiery reaction to the truth, he on the other hand was quite composed. As any reasonable person can imagine, his "what's the big deal" attitude towards the issue, rendered me livid! My rage mind you, is not the loud flamboyant type; it's the kind that pierces with every militantly arranged sentence of flames I fire. Being at the receiving end of my fury can be likened to a parent saying "I'm disappointed in you"; versus just being yelled at.
To this day I stand behind my protesting his inviting another woman into our bed, because that is ultimately what he'd done. I promptly jumped off the train of named privates, and have never boarded it since.
I'd clean forgotten the whole ordeal till the other day when I was mindlessly watching season something of Weeds. What's his face was getting it on with a very fiesty Jewish siren named Jael; and the memory of project "name my privates", came soaring back.
Now it has me thinking...
What's the big deal with naming ones privates; let alone renaming the terms with which they go by? Vagina's are called all sorts of things these days. Va-jay-jay; Vulva; Flower etc. Then on top of that, the vagina gets a name. "Hi, my punani's name is Primrose".
Am I missing something?
Is this generation Candy Coat?
Granted neither "vagina" nor "penis" are particularly pleasant sounding words, but they are what they are. We've been conditioned to dislike them. I'm beginning to think that the culture of naming and then sub-naming, is much like relaxing your hair & then putting a weave in. It's disguising the truth in an ocean of excuses that all stem from some element of powerful dislike. I suspect that someone out there might argue that the whole naming stunt is in fact a token of self-love, but I'm not buying their skelm.
I agreed to having my "down there" named; simply because his penis entered the relationship already named. It seemed somewhat odd getting texts from him telling me that Zeus (not actual name) was missing my nameless.
If I had to play the name game again, one things for sure; I'd name my own Vagina my damn self! For now though, my nameless vagina is doing just fine being exactly that. . .Nameless!
Once Upon what seems like so long ago, the then "Love of my life" was given the honour of naming my "down there". He named her Jael. Beautiful name if you ask me. A name of Hebrew origin, meaning Prominent. It has that exotic alluring appeal about it.
Jael & what's his name (sOo not about to name & shame) had it going on quite satisfactorily for some time, till yours truly inquisitively decided to enquire about the name her privates had been Christened with. In the then and there of that crazy in love moment, I wound up regretting the findings of my inquest. In hindsight however; I'm most relieved that my curiosity got the better of me.
It turns out that Mr Man named MY vagina after a girl he once had a crush on. A girl he'd have liked to more than just crush on. A girl who was in his line of vision, before he & I passionlessly decided to try "Us" out. My erratic self & I had a very fiery reaction to the truth, he on the other hand was quite composed. As any reasonable person can imagine, his "what's the big deal" attitude towards the issue, rendered me livid! My rage mind you, is not the loud flamboyant type; it's the kind that pierces with every militantly arranged sentence of flames I fire. Being at the receiving end of my fury can be likened to a parent saying "I'm disappointed in you"; versus just being yelled at.
To this day I stand behind my protesting his inviting another woman into our bed, because that is ultimately what he'd done. I promptly jumped off the train of named privates, and have never boarded it since.
I'd clean forgotten the whole ordeal till the other day when I was mindlessly watching season something of Weeds. What's his face was getting it on with a very fiesty Jewish siren named Jael; and the memory of project "name my privates", came soaring back.
Now it has me thinking...
What's the big deal with naming ones privates; let alone renaming the terms with which they go by? Vagina's are called all sorts of things these days. Va-jay-jay; Vulva; Flower etc. Then on top of that, the vagina gets a name. "Hi, my punani's name is Primrose".
Am I missing something?
Is this generation Candy Coat?
Granted neither "vagina" nor "penis" are particularly pleasant sounding words, but they are what they are. We've been conditioned to dislike them. I'm beginning to think that the culture of naming and then sub-naming, is much like relaxing your hair & then putting a weave in. It's disguising the truth in an ocean of excuses that all stem from some element of powerful dislike. I suspect that someone out there might argue that the whole naming stunt is in fact a token of self-love, but I'm not buying their skelm.
I agreed to having my "down there" named; simply because his penis entered the relationship already named. It seemed somewhat odd getting texts from him telling me that Zeus (not actual name) was missing my nameless.
If I had to play the name game again, one things for sure; I'd name my own Vagina my damn self! For now though, my nameless vagina is doing just fine being exactly that. . .Nameless!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)