Loving Out Loud!

Loving Out Loud!

Listening to what I hope is the FINAL edition of a mixtape I’m compiling as part of a birthday gift , I can’t help but recall my last week & how it came to pass that I embarked on an “I Love you quest.”.

Once upon someone’s birthday the other week, the words “I love you” were used in part of a sentence & directed at me . They were true. The truth of it all, made my own truth strikingly clear. My truth being that my mind walls my heart in. I’ve Rapanzelled myself! Fortunately because metaphors are exactly that, the power rests with me to set myself free. . .so off I embarked on a quest to be my own metaphorical Knight in shining “amore”.

The “I Love You” bus’ first stop, was to the someone who started it all to begin with. I figured that seeing as the words were words I’d had a nonchalant reaction to in the past, I had to make a gesture of reciprocating them. Me and my old fashioned sensibilities resorted to writing a Love letter. The letter was far too epic to simply email or inbox on facebook; so my old-school self settled for mailing. Post Offices are alive & kicking y’all. . . but he doesn’t have the letter yet… long story

“I Love You” number two went down like a scene from an indie flick. My ego got the best of me at first when in the middle of a sincere chat about just how sunny & beautiful Saturday was, I decided to coyly insinuate my sentiments by saying:

“I associate you with Sunny & Beautiful”.

You can bet my damaged liver that he overstood me, but that wasn’t quite mission accomplished. I let it rest for a minute & sidetracked myself with wanting to show off the lyrics to a song I’d satisfactorily completed. The songs lyrics happened to live in my head, so I typed them out real quick, then proudly shifted my laptop so he could read for himself. It took his saying something later in order for me to eventually connect the dots that my song about how helplessly I love some fictional man, was actually completely appropriate (although not the intention at all). It took 4 Castle drafts or more,  for the liquid courage to finally kick in. I started off blabbing an explanation about how I’d come to this point, then looked away from him and said

“Moral of the story is, if anything were to happen; I just want you to know that I Love you.”

“I know” he said so assured. “Like the song said”.

If it hadn’t been for his friend returning to the table, I would’ve crawled under it & and willed the ground to swallow me whole. I’d basically been shoving my heart down this mans throat the whole day.

Oh Bother!

Our Sunny & Beautiful Saturday out at the Bowling club in Zoo lake, sunset itself to an end.

Floating on the high of having done the “I Love You” deed (among other highs), he dropped me to join recipients 3 & 4; who were suitably getting down to some Zambian music at our trusted pub across the road. This serving of “I Love You” may have seemed to an onlooker like any other drunken girls gushing session, but it was sincerely pre-empted and heart felt. Our all being inebriated was sheer coincidence. Anybody would be a fool to doubt my LOVE for Tarryn & Lindy.

Which made my “I Love You” to them even that much more significant. My telling them was to some extent superfluous, but I did it anyway.

After having been Sunny & Beautiful; Saturday danced & drank herself away on a Jovial note. Cheers to her!

I discovered come Sunday, that my “I Love You” bus seemingly had no brakes. Although it was no surprise, I was startled by the fact that I’d let my guard down to quite this extent. How on earth did it come to pass that I wholeheartedly dished out an “I Love you”, to the founder of the “Break Christine’s Heart Association”; which was established in 2002?

Nevertheless, what’s done is done; and the word for word dialogue of how that played out goes like so (Thanks to FB, I have it on hand):

(After my sharing with him that I was on the verge of giving up on the catastrophe that is he & I)

He   : I don’t blame you. . . .But I haven’t

Me   : That’s good to know.

He   : I doubt I ever will. Cheesy moment right there. This will NEVER be repeated!

Me   : Silly man! I guess now would an appropriately cliché opportunity to tell you that I Love You

     Right?

He   : I guess “I know” will also be the appropriate response right about now.

Me   : Ha! Ha! Have been embarking on an “I Love You” journey. It’s empowering being unafraid to

     Say it.

He   : I Love You too!

And that’s how that sweet & short cookie crumbled.

In fair hindsight though, it seems my heart is quite in tact and that Rapenzelle was quite comfortable in the safety of her tower. Every single one of the 5 of them knew it indisputably.

Guess I’m quite the lover after all :)