"NO!"

Give up flirting or take up saying "No"? What an eminent clash, brought about courtesy of my being me.

Once Upon being dumped by sleep a little after 4am, on what promises to be a mouth watering 1st day of Spring; I find myself in a pickle. Not the edible kind of pickle, but rather a sour situation (which is where the term "in a pickle originated... & yes I googled it out of boredom). Today is the day I'm meant to be having a dinner date with a man who wants to take me away for a weekend of wine tasting in the picturesque Magaliesburg. At first glance it's hard to see what the problem is. A free tasty meal one evening, followed by a weekend away; all at someone else's expense. The problem is the fact that I absolutely don't want to; I however suck at saying "No".

The irony of this predicament is that I wasn't even flirting with the prick in question. The son of a bitch watched me all evening, as I flirtatiously mingled my Saturday night away at a farewell party; then politely preyed on me as I was about to leave. His approach was something along the reasonable lines of telling me that he hadn't gotten the chance to chat to me, but from what he saw; he'd like to take me out for dinner and get to know me better. Truth be told, no man (family & friends excluded), has ever wined & dined me; so when I heard "dinner", it translated as "score!" I rationalised with myself that I didn't know him enough to dislike him, so dinner couldn't hurt; then we proceeded to exchange numbers. The 1st sign that he would be a bad idea, registered when he put his name into my phone, then typed "my new man" as his surname. I rolled my eyes at him & told him not to get ahead of himself; which lead to the 2nd warning that he'd be a down right kak idea. The jack ass fucken pulled into me, & it took way too much force than it should've, for me to shove his face out my mouth.

In light of all of the above, I have subsequently struggled to speak the word "no" to this man & many men before him. In the past my "No" has always been communicated by means of insinuation; & men always got the point. This time however, my avoidance of calls & constant inability to get back to him about dinner, doesn't seem to be getting the point across. I'm faced with having to speak the word I'm most allergic to. A word that paralyses me with guilt each time I so much as think it. "No" is rejection. Rejection happens to be my biggest fear; followed by cars; then by large numbers of black people in one space (true story).

If it hadn't been for my track record as a seasoned flirt; perhaps I'd be less anxiety prone whenever it came to not saying "yes"? This has me thinking that something's got to give. Do I give up my 2nd favourite past time; flirting (kissing being the 1st), so as to avoid my personal struggle with both the receiving & giving of rejection? Or do I alternately... I can't even think the thought, that's how implausible it seems.
These thoughts are far too higher grade for this time of day.
I'm zoning out & watching Mother Nature light up the sky with brush strokes of sunrise instead.

One thing is certain though; I'm by no means letting Mr Mouth Rapist dine me; let alone take me away. How I get the point across is now officially his own problem. It's SPRING DAY for crying out loud; not take out the trash day.